Being Comfortable Talking About Intercourse In and Out of the Bedroom

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash


“I’m so glad I have you to talk to about this, no one ever wants to talk about their sex life so I don’t know if this is wrong or not,” a friend commented in a car ride after a long discussion about a pain she was feeling during intercourse. With a nurse for a mother maybe talking about uncomfortable topics has become comfortable; maybe it is because I was raised in a very open communicative environment. Either way, society has a problem with keeping sex (and sex discussions) behind closed doors.

The ironic thing about this is the fact that almost every human will do this at least once (probably more times though) in their lifetime. So why are we NOT talking about it more? This isn’t just brushing your teeth; this is two people (or more, no judgement) sharing their bodies. That is kind of a big deal and can have so many different outcomes for various people. You can become pregnant, contract an STD, not have any drive, have too much drive, have excruciating pain during the act…the list goes on.

If you feel uncomfortable with this talk then you should think WHY you feel that way. Is it because of religious beliefs? Or maybe it is a self-esteem issue? Or simply you just didn’t grow up around the talk. I’m here to say that it is OK to talk about sex and, believe it or not, you can have a discussion about it without getting vulgar or uncomfortable.

Whether you are in a relationship or not I want you to feel comfortable talking about intercourse. If it is relevant in your life then it should be spoken (even if it is just a comment on this post). Crazy idea; if we stop judging others and start listening and helping we might help ourselves in return. I’ll be the first to start.

Due to medical reasons my sex drive is unbelievably low (like taking anti-depressants low). This has been strenuous at some times in my relationship and caused a lot of grief in my life.  More times than not I have felt like I am not normal because of this or that I should just ‘fake it till I make it’. Neither option helped me through my feelings. Do you want to know what did help? I talked with my mother about my problems and figured out that my hormones (estrogen and testosterone to be specific) were probably out of line; something that is common with a lot of women.

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

I also talked with my partner about this. Now we focus more on being compassionate and patient with each other as well as making sure we are both enjoying the process. I also make sure to get the right vitamins and supplements in my diet to help balance out my hormone levels. See? That wasn’t vulgar and, if you try it, can be freeing. If I hadn’t talked about this with others I would never have felt better about the situation.

At the end of the day we need to remember that sex is a part of our lives and is OK to talk about. We aren’t robots; we have feelings and issues that pop up with almost anything we do in life.  In order to have fun having sex we need to:

-be happy and confident in our own skin
-talk with our partners about what we like and don’t like
-realize it is OK to enjoy sex
-and most importantly; talk about it when we have issues

Just remember, if you have a friend reaching out about a certain problem don’t immediately judge. Keep an open mind and an open heart and you might be able to help out a friend in need. At the very least you might come to find that something you have been struggling with is not only common but is something your loved one is dealing with too.

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