Are Your Parents Actually Creating Toxic Habits?

Photo by Brittany Simuangco on Unsplash


Before I breach on this subject I want to put a quick disclosure here. I am in no way telling anyone to treat their parents disrespectfully nor am I calling any parent out or kid out. This is simply me putting my own experiences and experiences I have seen with my friends and loved ones and how I have dealt with these issues in hopes that I might be able to help someone out there who is going through the same things as well. This is not a place to find a reason to blame your parents for events in your life.

Being a parent is hard; I am not one myself but I saw how hard my mother worked and how other parents work and I can say that they are superheroes in their own right! There is not one way to parent and sometimes it can feel like you are doing a horrible job (when in reality you probably are doing a phenomenal job). However there are parents out in the world who, not only don’t care about their children, but probably should not have children in the first place.

Nurture, love, values, shelter….these are just some of the many things that are needed in a kids life. My mother gave me each and every one of these multiplied x100 on top of being one of the hardest working human beings I have ever met. My father, on the other hand, gave me far less. I do not say this to gain pity and I am not some ungrateful child. There is a stipulation in society, whether it is from religion or just common sense, which says children have to obey their parents. I agree with this to an extent.

While I instinctively give respect to parents I also have respect for myself and refuse to be treated less than I treat others. My father taught me how to hate myself, lie, manipulate, and treat minorities like they are less. THESE are not habits that anyone should teach. Luckily I had a good parent (and enough smarts) to know that these were toxic habits that I did not want in my life. Once I was old enough to make decisions for myself I chose to cut out things and people who were bringing me down. This did include my father.

Photo by Jon Flobrant on Unsplash

That does not make me a bad person and it doesn’t make you a bad person either. Eventually when we grow we realize that some people were just not meant to be parents. Once we start loving ourselves we see people for who they truly are and have to make a decision; their bad influence or our morals and respect. I chose myself.

As a child you don’t have much say with things. You follow your parents blindlessly because they are the people who are meant to raise us into the adults we become (don’t get me wrong, that is huge to put on someone’s shoulders). That does not mean we have to carry on each and every habit a parent passes on. It takes courage and intelligence to say ‘I am not going to be the person you raised me to be’. I am not saying you HAVE to cut people out of your life; that is a hardship on its own. But you don’t have to keep a strong relationship with a toxic person just because they raised you.

I would be lying if I didn’t say I have no ‘daddy issues’ in my life. I have bad habits that have formed from years of emotional abuse from a man who brought disaster to anyone he touched. The difference between me and this man is that I CHOSE to see these bad habits, confront them, and force a change to become the best version of myself.

They raised you (and a lot do an amazing job). At the end of the day though you need to wise up and choose to keep the good habits and form the bad into good qualities. Sometimes you might even need to take a break from an individual. I forgave my father and I hope for the best for him. This does not mean I need to keep him in my life just because he helped give me life. I respect him by respecting myself and that is all a parent could (and should) ask for. Unfortunately showing myself respect means keeping my distance from a bad parent.

Remember, you always have yourself and YOU are an amazing human being! Do not let someone else make you feel bad because you don’t ‘respect’ your parent the way they think you should. Only you can choose what is right for you and what is wrong.  A relationship between a parent and a child should be one of nurture, acceptance, and growth. Not destruction and abuse (emotional or physical).

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