Why Space Is Needed In a Healthy Relationship

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash


When we think of relationships the word, ‘space’ usually doesn’t pop into our minds. Blame it on parents, friends, romantic movies, or society but what a relationship should be has been warped in our minds to this unattainable standard. I have a scary newsflash for some of you; a relationship is no prince charming and damsel in distress. You are not actually waited on hand and foot, and you are definitely not going to be swept away from your evil stepmother (well, I guess that could happen).

Two people saying they will no longer see anyone else and only love that person for the rest of their lives is a huge commitment and, dare I say it, hard work. You are not going to always get along, agree on everything, or even like each other some days. It is also a considerable balancing act of communication and love from both ends for success. Another huge thing needed (maybe even the most important) is space. Expecting them to be by your side all the time is ridiculous and, again, unattainable.

Space does make the heart grow fonder
I’m not saying move out for a week for space to be given. Even a night away with friends is an excellent form of space. When you are at each other’s beck and call 24/7, it makes it difficult to be missed. Believe it or not, it is a good thing to be missed by your significant other. This helps you (and your partner) appreciate one another when you are around.

If you come back after a night with friends and they act upset or were constantly calling that is not a healthy relationship. That is distrust. You should be able to go out and see friends or family without a curfew or check-in. While yes, I still check in just so they know I’m ok or if I might be late it is not expected of me to give that call. If your partner gets upset that you are not always with them or checking in than you might have more problems than not enough space.

It is actually healthy for you
Being with one person continually is not healthy for our minds. Spending a significant amount of time with an individual does form personality traits that are similar to theirs. This is not a bad thing, but individuality should still exist within a healthy relationship. We have all met that one couple who are stitched at the hip and have the exact same views on everything. It might seem cute, but no one wants to be exactly the same, this doesn’t make room for growth and development.

Growing up you follow your parents because, well, they are your parents. You are around them all the time and only know of their beliefs. Once we get older we typically branch out from our parents and grow our own opinions and hold on to the views we like. The same works in a relationship if given the necessary space. It is healthy to talk to other people and listen to different opinions besides your companion.

Space gives you time to be with your thoughts
I am a homebody while my significant other is extremely extroverted and adventurous. This union works for us because we push each other in different directions that help us grow. It also works in the fact that I am perfectly fine spending time alone at the house while he goes climbing or golfing (or the other million activities he does). Being alone has become a bad word in society as if it makes you less of a person for wanting it.

While I’m never honestly ‘alone’ I appreciate that time I have by myself. It gives me room to sit with my thoughts, start projects I wouldn’t necessarily have started, or just have a ‘me’ day. The same goes for him. Being together can push us to be better people but so can having space. If we are continually being forced to do things or hang out we are not giving ourselves time to think about what we really want to do. Not to mention, without space the conversation can sometimes get a little dull (you can only talk about your bitchy coworker so many times).

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4 comments

  1. Beautiful post!!

    https://julesonthemoon.blogspot.com/

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  2. Nice post - and I totally relate! My boyfriend and I used to spend everyday and every second together back in university which was great, but totally unrealistic to real life. Now we both work and see eachother a few evenings and on weekends and as you said I find it a lot healthier and I think it gives us both the opportunity to be alone with our thoughts more often! http://skylish.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! That was the same for us as well, once we started giving each other a little space the relationship just became so much healthier!

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