How Your Self Esteem Could Be Ruining Your Relationship

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash


Girl power is at an all-time high right now with #Metoo movement and just wanting to be and seen as equal to men in every which way. I absolutely love it! To see women and men standing together and fighting for simple human rights is something that has been needed for a while now. While I am all for standing up and sticking up for women all around there are certain things that I don’t believe in and they concern relationships.

Whether you are a man or a woman dating a man or a woman there is a certain trait that we all don’t like but don’t really talk about. When your friends say, “it was totally not you! They are the douchebags for leaving you, you did nothing wrong!” While they are being a good friend and this is a possibility it is also a possibility that you did actually have something to do with the relationship going south. And it has to do with our self-esteem.

You ask why should my lack of self-esteem make someone dump me and how is that my fault? You are completely right; it seems ridiculous that someone would leave us because we are not confident in ourselves. Yet it happens often and we are left in the dust as to why we were thrown to the curb. A lack of confidence makes anyone, man or woman, seem less attractive to a perspective date.

Way back in high school/ right after high school I suffered from severely low self-esteem. The level of low should deem it into a new category besides ‘low self-esteem’. I truly hated everything about myself from my head to my toes. You name it, I felt it. When I started seeing my now boyfriend I oozed with this lack of self-worth and he always stayed a few steps away from me. For the longest time I believed he was evil, he was out to just hurt me, it was all him.

After growing self-love and confidence I started to realize how pathetic I probably came across in those days. Since I had no confidence I constantly needed verbal acceptance in one way or the other that came off extremely needy, a trait no one likes. I could never accept a compliment and would refute it with my last breath. Not saying everyone with low self-esteem is pathetic but I definitely had the traits to show for it.

Photo by Steve Harvey on Unsplash

You might think you are hiding those insecurities and they might be leaving you simply because they ARE douche bags, but trying to hide or mask self-esteem issues is like putting the worlds brightest band aid on a wound. It takes work; hard work. I spent months telling myself everyday how beautiful I was and truly listening and appreciating the compliments friends and loved ones gave me. The things I did not like about myself  I tried to fix and the things I couldn’t fix I tried to accept.

By no means am I perfect in confidence (there is something to be said about being humble as well). I still have days where I feel ugly, fat, and all around blah. The difference now is that I force myself not to stay in that mindset. Since my growing confidence I have found that people truly enjoy hanging around me more than ever, that my boyfriend truly appreciates the new and improved ‘me’, and that I truly love myself.

Magazines and articles say all the time that the sexiest thing you can wear is your confidence and it is undeniably true. When you are confident in yourself it shows to the entire room. You hold your head a little higher, you smile a little brighter, and you enjoy moments instead of being in your head all the time (did he just look at my fat rolls?). This doesn’t mean you have to change your appearance or personality to fit others. Instead realize that YOU are phenomenal and beautiful JUST AS YOU ARE.

Being the skinniest, smartest girl or boy is not what people are looking for. They are looking for a person who believes in themselves, has unique traits, and likes the same things they like. If I could tell my 17 year old self something it would be that the compliments people are giving me ARE true and I should be listening to them. No one has to give out a compliment and typically they don’t because (excuse my cynicism) most give them out with a hint of envy in their voice. So next time someone says something nice just remember to listen and embrace it beautiful!

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6 comments

  1. Amazing!!

    https://julesonthemoon.blogspot.com/

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  2. I completely agree with you that confidence is crucial when it comes to your relationships or even marriage. That's not a secret, that when you feel bad about yourself, your insecurities can start to creep into the way you act with your partner and that can have a negative impact on both of you. Boost your self-esteem, be confident! You've got only one chance!

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    1. Thank you :) I agree with all of that! It took me a while to learn how my confidence was affecting others around me. It really does make a difference!

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