Why You Should Be Changing Things Up In The Bedroom

Photo by Ty Carlson on Unsplash

I have a personality that can sometimes be all over the place. Because of this, I have friends who all have different interests and views that help feed each side of my mind. It also means that each person has a different relationship with unique flaws and triumphs that we love discussing. Not only is it great to hear we are not alone in our feelings but, it helps to gain knowledge and advice on specific topics we might be unaware of. One of the main things we all have in common is the need to change things up in the bedroom.

At one point in time, we have all had that feeling like our sexual relationships were becoming a little bland. Life gets in the way, and it becomes more of a scheduled ordeal instead of a spontaneous hot session. This is fine, it happens to everyone! It is hard to keep that fiery passion that we have when first starting off. Eventually, we become comfortable with each other and sex kind of takes a back seat to other more pressing matters (like not smudging the $50 serum you just put on your face).

While routines are great and desperately needed occasionally, they should never become mundane. Sex can be a routine without becoming the same old boring moves, followed by ten minutes of cuddling, then passing out shortly after. It sucks to say out loud, but a boring bedroom can turn into a boring relationship that could potentially crumble. You shouldn’t be thrown on the street because you didn’t pull out a karma sutra move but these small little gestures can also be signs of more significant problems.

For months on end, I worked tirelessly at a job that I didn’t really like yet still put in an ungodly amount of hours. I rarely saw my boyfriend and rarely wanted to do anything in the bedroom beside sleep. This caused our relationship to crumble and eventually even fall apart altogether. Since then we have picked up the pieces and have (not to be biased) one of the best relationships I know of. Sex wasn’t what ended our relationship, but it was definitely a red flag that something was wrong.

You might like the same moves each night, and that is okay. Does your partner feel the same way? Or do you eventually get a little dulled out and start thinking of it as a chore instead of a fun time? We are one of the few species who actually enjoy the act of sex and do it even without the end goal of babies. Therefore it should be fun for both parties and have a certain level of excitement.

A huge thing I have learned about changing things up is how open it makes our communication. We start asking what the other person likes and it makes every second that much better (in and out of the bedroom). It won’t hurt to change it up, and the only bad outcome is you both hate the position and have to try something different. You might even find that these changes will create new experiences in your personal life as well. When we are having our best times sexually, it usually translates to happier times with every aspect of our relationship.

Having kids, full-time jobs, and daily chores interrupt our lives. This is inevitable. Some nights you are not going to feel sexy, and up for fun foreplay and some nights you are too exhausted to try out a fun move in the bedroom. What we forget though is how important these little things are and that a relationship should be factored into our daily to-dos in life. It is a lot easier to please yourself a few nights a week (and faster) than to please someone else. To a degree relationships are work. You can’t just expect things to move along peacefully if you don’t try every now and again.

If you find that you and your partner have gotten into a sex rut, it might be time to switch it up. Maybe look up a few different moves (Cosmopolitan has tried out every single one under the sun) and try them out. I promise your significant other will not mind the change of pace and it might spark something more than fun sex. You might wake up refreshed and ready to change things up in your work or personal life as well. Whether we like it or not, change is a great thing and eventually inevitable. Instead of ignoring it maybe try giving in a little. The worst thing that could happen is you don’t like it, and you have to try out something different (I don’t know many people who aren’t willing to practice when it comes to sex).



Ask Away My Dear.

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