The Importance Of Having A Relationship With Yourself

Photo by Wang Xi on Unsplash

I always talk about what a healthy relationship looks like, how to care for your significant other, and other topics like that. However, I have yet to talk about the most important relationship you'll ever have; the one with yourself. We seldom think of ourselves when it comes to everyday life and feels selfish when we do choose ourself over others. I'm here to end this nonsense. No matter if you are single, dating, or married, you should always be in at least one relationship. After all, you are still going to be there for you.

One thing we need to all realize is that there is a difference between choosing ourselves and being selfish. It is not self-centered to pick your mental and physical health as a priority or to say no to things you don't feel comfortable with. Being selfish means, you lack consideration for others and only do things that only profit you. Once you realize the difference, you can start to choose yourself without the heaviness of guilt looming over your head.

It is necessary for your mental health.
If you don't take time for yourself, it can start to weigh on your mental and physical health. Always putting your priorities on a back burner can begin to cause anxiety, stress, and an overall decline in happiness. We focus so much of our time on other things, like work and relationships, that we don't see what it is doing to us. I used to spend way too much time at work. Days would be spent working, sleeping, and repeating. I wanted to help out my coworkers so bad that I never stopped to see how I was doing.

This led to sleepless nights, stress-induced panic attacks, and wearing out my body to the point of illness. While a compassionate heart and fantastic work ethic is something we should all strive for, we also need to take a step back and assess how we are doing. It doesn't make you weak to need a break. This doesn't look the same for all of us either. A break could mean a vacation from work, alone time, or even putting technology down for a while.

We are always moving in this fast-paced world. If we are not sleeping, then we have multiple activities going on (usually at the same time). Always running keeps us from being still. Stillness is a practiced tool that is vital in life. When you stop and take a moment, you give your thoughts room to breathe. In fact, I encourage you to be bored. With social media, we never have a chance for boredom anymore. All great thoughts and creativity come from boredom. Remember that next time you feel stuck in a situation.

Photo by Bruce Hong on Unsplash

It breeds self-love.
How can you love yourself if you never put yourself as a priority? Having a relationship with yourself means spending some alone time with your thoughts and feelings. It gives you a chance to work on your insecurities and learn what you like and dislike about yourself. Once you know this, you can start to work on your dislikes and begin to embrace them. I don't know anyone who doesn't need a little bit of alone time in their life.

Society has taught us that being alone is scary and, well, lonely. The fact is, people are scared of individuals who are okay being alone. They don't understand it because they don't know how to do it. You don't have to be by yourself to alone either. I have a boyfriend who I live with and still have times when I seclude myself (and not in a bad way). It gives me time to find myself, work on insecurities, and become independent. Again, that isn't just for people who live by themselves.

Being independent means so much more than being alone. I have seen people who have been married for years and had no independence. There thoughts and actions always correlate with their significant other. While this isn't a terrible thing, you should have your own opinions. You should be able to live with the knowledge that you can be by yourself and not go insane. Or that you can make decisions without someone else helping you.

Finding this type of inner strength is one of the greatest assets for self-love. Think about someone you love unconditionally for a moment. Do they bring you durability and comfort? Does this make you love them even more? Think about how much love you will have for yourself when you can bring your own strength and support.

You are always going to be there.
I don't want to be that negative person, but nobody in your life is always guaranteed to be there. It is an inevitability in life that we are going to lose loved ones along the way. Whether it be through a harsh breakup or a sad passing, people do come and go. At the end of the day, you can always count on yourself being there. This means you have to be able to rely on yourself no matter what. How can you possibly do this if you have never built a relationship with yourself?

You need to be able to rely on yourself before you can begin to rely on others. I know a few women in my life who can never be alone. Whether it be out of fear or some form of insecurity, they rush into relationships so that they are never by themselves. While I hold no judgments towards them, I also know that they haven't really seen who they are as a person. You can grow with other people, but you also need to learn how to develop within yourself. When that person leaves, for whatever reason, do you think you will be able to live a happy life? If you answered no, it might be time to form a relationship with yourself.

It can build outside relationships.
A relationship with yourself basically means loving yourself. When you have that type of strength, it can actually help grow other relationships. For instance, let's say you hate everything about yourself or are bitter towards a specific quality you have. That bitterness will spread to others, whether you want it to or not. When you take time to spread love inside, it can start to spread to others. We have all met that person who is filled with hatred. They treat everyone around them miserably and are horrible to be around. Usually, these people act this way because they don't care about themselves.

If you can't care about yourself, it makes it difficult to care about others. What is the point? You can't find anything you like in yourself, so why even try to see it in someone else? This is a mentality that you need to cut out now. Breed love in yourself and it will become contagious. Unconditional love starts from the inside. Don't let your self-loathing spread to others. That is how we create a world no one wants to live in.  

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