Deal Breakers In A Relationship

Photo by Sarah Cervantes on Unsplash

While they might change from person to person, we can all agree that there are deal breakers that we use to factor if a relationship will stand the test of time. As with any partnership, there are certain things that we don't tolerate or refuse to compromise. I'm not someone who judges a person on looks but personality and these essential traits. They are things that I have learned I will never be okay with or am willing to compromise.

I'm not writing this to tell you what you should look for in a relationship or what should turn a future husband/wife away. These are factors I don't stand for and, maybe, are things you should add to your list as well. It is how your partner treats you and the happiness in your relationship that ultimately matters.

For me, lying is a massive deal breaker. I'm a person who will tolerate close to anything, depending on the situation. For instance, I can get over cheating and forgive someone. However, if they continue to lie to me about this, I'm less inclined to be forgiving. A relationship should be filled with open communication and honesty to work. I'm not talking about those little white lies we tell our partner, but the critical issues. It's okay if you are dishonest about how that dress makes me look, but don't lie about what you did the night before.

Even if it is coming from a place of love, lying is never the answer. Eventually, the truth will surface and, in the meantime, we might be wracking our brains with worse scenarios than what honestly happened. While we might lie a bit in the beginning, a healthy relationship needs to start on a bed of truth.

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We Agree On What Matters
If you look at my relationship, you can see that we are complete opposites. While we do have similarities, our bond has strengthened from what we don't have in common. My boyfriend, for instance, is an extroverted rock climber who loves video games, the outdoors, and talking to strangers. These traits don't describe me in the slightest. However, our differences are something that we have always embraced. It gives us the chance to have fun together and also keep a healthy separation as well.

These little traits shouldn't make or break a relationship. However, I do want to agree on the more significant decisions like children and morals. It always surprises me when I find a couple who is in the midst of a divorce because one person wants children and the other doesn't. While we do change our minds, this is a conversation that should be talked about (and on a regular basis). I'm fine if you don't like the same show as me, but if we can't agree on how to raise children than there might be difficulties nurturing a healthy bond.

When it comes to this deal breaker, it depends on the person. I'm willing to compromise on politics, religion, and other viewpoints, but others might not be. You have to look in at yourself and see what you are willing to disagree about and what you cannot compromise in your belief system.

How You Treat Others
I base a lot of this deal breaker on how my significant other treats a server. Being in the restaurant industry, I figured out quickly that the way you treat someone caring for you says a lot about you as a person. If you go out and have a great meal with perfect service yet leave only a 2% tip, I'm probably not going on a second date with you. It doesn't just stop here either.

To me, how you treat others when someone is not watching is a significant indicator on if we will stay together. I don't want to be with someone who helps an old lady cross the street only for the views on social media. I've been taught that you should treat people with respect and help the less fortunate. This factor was a big turn on with my current boyfriend. I saw him help people for no reason and never turn down someone who was asking for help. Even if you are a stranger, he will always help with a smile on his face.

How you treat others is one deal breaker I feel like we should all have on our list. You shouldn't be with someone who treats other people miserably. Even if they are helpful to you, that doesn't make them a decent human. Spreading love and happiness is a quality that we should all hold in our hearts. Without it, what is the reason for being here?

Goals In Life
This one is more personal to me than it is for everyone to follow. My mother always taught me to be strong and that if I wanted something in this world, I have to work hard for it. With such a short life, we should want to get the most out of each day. It's a massive turn off if someone has no dreams, goals, or aspirations in life. When you don't have these characteristics, you are merely surviving instead of living.

No matter what you are doing, there should always be some goal you are trying to accomplish. It could be as simple as getting promoted at your current job. I don't know many people who are okay being with someone who wants to work, get paid, and do nothing else. If you don't want to better your future, you probably won't see me in that end game.

Proper Hygiene, Cleanliness, and Health
Again, this is a deal breaker that is a bit more personal. I get that we have all had that college 'messy' phase of life, but that shouldn't be forever. I want someone who likes to take care of themselves and their home. If you never brush your teeth, do laundry, or clean the house, that says a lot about you as a person. I've met those people who have five years of buildup in their toilets and, frankly, it's disgusting.

While I'm not asking you to be Martha Stewart, I want my significant other to care about these things. To me, forever means to old age. If you can't treat your body right for that to happen, there isn't much point in us being together. That might sound a little harsh, but that is one deal breaker I have learned I cannot compromise on in life.

What are some of your deal breakers in a relationship? We all have that one thing that makes us say no to a second date or happily ever after. That doesn't make you a lousy person to turn away someone. It just means you have specific things you don't want to compromise. It's when you start letting these things become shallow that it starts to turn into a ridiculous quest. Judge someone for continuously lying, not for a receding hairline.


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