Lessons I Have Learned From Past Relationships

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While there is not much I can say positively about my past relationships; I can state that I learned valuable lessons. No matter where you are in life, you can use your past to better your future, or you can live a repetitive existence. It is your choice. I choose to learn from my past mistakes so that I can make smarter and wiser decisions. All your exes that you would like to kill can be used in a positive light if you look at the circumstances differently.

If you want to read about the lessons I have learned from a healthy relationship, you can go here. If you are here to figure out how I can take a lousy partner and turn that phase of my life into a lesson, then you came to the right place. While I haven't had many relationships in my life, I have had significant ones. I was never a short-term girl or loved dating. Since my first boyfriend, I always wanted that comfortable best friend feel that you see in romance movies.

Yes, that type of relationship is out there. However, it doesn't look exactly the way we thought it would. It also doesn't come from a high school jock who wants to lose his v-card. I am grateful for all of my exes (like Ariana Grande sings) because they helped me grow into the person I am today. Without them, I wouldn't know who I was as a person, and I would still let people walk all over me. That being said, I hope I never see any of you ever again.

It is okay to say no in any situation.
This one is a relatively new lesson that I still sometimes have troubles with. It can be challenging to say no to a loved one when it is something that they want, or you feel pressure. While I technically learned this from my current boyfriend (who is fantastic), it was a lightbulb moment after looking back at a particular fling I once had. Without going into much detail, he was a toxic man that wouldn't take no for an answer (therefore I stopped saying it).

While this comes from uncomfortable sexual moments, saying no can be used in any situation. I now know that it is okay to have a difference of opinion or that I can have different interests from my partner. Just because they want to go out and drink with friends does not mean I have to join. Compromise is needed in a loving bond. That does not translate to doing things you are not comfortable with or that go beyond your morals. Ever.

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There is such a thing as being too mysterious.
Women are told that we need to be mysterious vixens to get a man to become a husband. I'm calling bull on this statement. I understand that mystery can be sexy, but it can also be an extreme turn off. I learned this the hard way after acting a little too mysterious to one of my ex-boyfriends. Not only did he not like it, but it also made him think that I was doing things behind his back (which I wasn't).

There is a difference between being mysterious and having secrets. It is perfectly reasonable to keep secrets when you first start dating someone. They don't have to know your entire life story within five minutes. However, if you are always acting like you don't want them to see what you did the night before or whom that person is texting you, it might start to look like something it is not. This might be okay on the first few dates, but it will get old fast.

If I acted aloof about someone calling me or whom I was hanging out with, it would probably raise a flag in my boyfriend's thoughts. This doubt comes from the lack of knowledge they are receiving from a loved one and the mysterious demeanor you put off. Eventually, they will guess something far worse than what is actually happening, and you could end up single and filled with deep regret. A little mystery is okay, but don't push it.

Run from the ex-girlfriend talk.
One of the biggest heartbreaks of my life came from a high school relationship that was more messed up than our current government situation. The fact of the matter was, I never realized that I was second on the priority list to the ex. She would always be on his mind, seep into conversations, and would want him the second they broke up. Unfortunately, I was the girl he would date when the breakup occurred. Being insecure, I never asked why I was the rebound chick because I was just glad I was thought of.

I'm going to tell some of you girls out there troubling news. If he is always talking about his ex, you will never be the one. Guys like are not wanting a relationship, but someone to help them mourn the loss of a past love. Talking about your exes will eventually come up, but it should never be a daily occurrence. You deserve to be the top priority, not a memory of someone else.

Not everyone is willing to be fixed.
Are you a girl who likes to fix people? You know what I am talking about. You get that 'rough around the edges' boy with the mentality that you can change him with your love and devotion. While this can happen, the odds are never in your favor. I had one man in particular whom I thought I could change. He had a fantastic personality, shared my humor, and always seemed to know what I was thinking. However, he had one colossal characteristic that made him unsuitable at the time. Despite this big red flag, I decided I could change this one flaw to turn him into prince charming.

This blew up in my face. Eventually, I got in too deep and fell in love with this man. Unfortunately, his glitch didn't go away, and I was kicked to the curb. It was a hard hit since I put it on myself. I knew what he was going into the relationship and yet I let myself fall anyways. Girls, not all men can, or want, to be saved. You shouldn't have to create the perfect guy. He should already be out there for you to find.

While there are probably more lessons I have learned, these are my top pieces of advise that I felt like sharing with you. Almost all of us have that one relationship that looks like a horror movie. We don't have to let that define us though. Learn from these past loves so that you don't make the same mistakes with future relationships. Let me know in the comments below some lessons you have learned from your past relationships. Are you friends with any of your exes?

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