7 Signs You Might Be the Toxic Element in Your Relationship

Photo by Ryan Jacobson on Unsplash

Relationships aren't always black and white. They also require work, communication, and selfless compassion to last forever and remain healthy. Throughout the years, I have seen several loved one's breakups for various reasons, and it is usually the other person's fault. While I'm not saying they are lying, I also know that breakups are typically more done with two people, not just one.

If you are always getting dumped, the problem might not be with your significant other but with yourself. Saying this doesn't mean you are unworthy of love or are a lousy person. Sometimes we need to take a look at our characteristics and see if there is an element that needs to change. For me, I noticed that I was getting dumped more often than not. After looking at myself, I started seeing a common trait with each relationship; me.

After paying attention to my traits and personality, I realized that I was a little too needy in each relationship due to my insecurities. Now I'm in a healthy relationship, but it took working on myself to get there. If you find yourself in this same situation, it might be time to change things up. Do you not know what to look for in yourself?

Below I have a few signs to look for to see if you are the toxic element in your relationship. I've discussed before red flags to look out for, but sometimes we have to pay attention to what we are doing as well. If you fit into one or more of these signs, you possibly need to better yourself before getting into another relationship.

Photo by Henri Pham on Unsplash

Your partner chooses their words around you.
Does it seem like your significant other is always scared to say what is on their mind? Like they have to be careful what words they choose? This might be a sign that you are the toxic element. When you get hot-headed over every little thing, it makes it hard for loved ones to express their real opinions and feelings. You shouldn't feel scared in a relationship to speak your mind.

While you don't always have to agree with what they say, you should respect their words. For a relationship to work, there should be a safe and open communication circle. Without this, you shut the other person out. Eventually, they'll get sick of this and find someone who doesn't bite their head off with everything they say.

They do all the work.
Last year was not my best when it comes to finances. Since I quit my job to pursue writing, I wasn't bringing in as much in income. My boyfriend was kind enough to help me out, and in turn, I did as much as I could to ease his load. I helped clean the house, organize the bills, and contribute in any way that I could. This way he wasn't the only one doing all the work in the relationship.

Even if you are balanced this way, you also need to make sure they are not doing all the work to show affection. When was the last time you texted them a sweet sentiment? The last time you took them on a date? If they are the ones continuously putting in all the effort, the relationship will crumble (and fast). I know of a companionship where one person was doing 100% of the work, emotionally and physically, and it did not end well. If you want someone to do everything for you, hire an assistant. Your significant other is a partner, not an employee.

You always start the fights.
Think of the last few fights you had in your relationship. Who started them? If it was always you, it might be time to do some inward looking. Conflicts are unavoidable, but shouldn't continuously be one-sided. However, this is a sign that could lean both ways. For instance, maybe you are the one starting the fights because your partner isn't taking on their share of the load.

In this case, you need to look at why you started each fight. If it is because your partner isn't doing enough or are the bad seed, it might be time for you to do the breaking up. However, if you start a quarrel for something minuscule, that is on you. Your significant other not taking off their socks before bed is not a reason to start a screaming match. Choose your battles (and maybe take an anger management class in that case).

You always nag and question everything they do.
Where were you last night? Why does that girl like your photo? Why don't you do something with your life? If you are always nagging and questioning your partner's whereabouts, they are going to get sick of you quick. A relationship needs trust to function properly. If you can't trust them, stop dating them.

As a former insecure girl, I used to do this a lot. I was always in fear that my boyfriend was cheating because I felt like I wasn't enough for him. After learning to love me (and trust him), our relationship started turning into a healthy atmosphere. If you have no reason to set off the alarm bells, don't create them in your mind. That is a surefire way of losing a significant other.

You always insult everything they do.
A little mockery never hurt anyone, but it starts to turn sour when it is continuous and humorless. If you insult your partner's looks, job, family, or anything in between, you are the problem. No one gets into a relationship to have that person nag about everything they do. If you don't like them that much, why are you dating them?

If you don't know what the healthy amount of making fun is, start tallying your words. This means keep a number count in your head each time you taunt your partner. Also, keep in mind if other people (or your significant other) is laughing when you do this. It doesn't take a scientist to notice when someone doesn't find your insults funny. I can call my boyfriend a geek when he comes up with a silly joke, but if I start insulting his personality too much, it starts to become rude. Know that line and don't cross it.

Always bad vibes.
You bring the drama, complaints, and hardships in the relationship. We all have things we want to vent about, but it shouldn't be the only thing we do. When I worked a previous job, I would always come home and complain about work. I never asked how his day was; I just jumped into my problems. It caused us to take a break several times in our relationship (and for a good reason).

I get that life can sometimes suck, and that drama can be fun to gossip about, but make sure the conversation is balanced. If you have nothing positive to say, they won't want to stick around. You don't get into a relationship to fix someone's problems all the time.

You are always lying.
This one is a natural sign to spot. How many times have you lied to your partner in the past week? Past month? Minus the occasional white lie (you can barely notice that pimple), you should never lie to your partner. Doing this is the fastest way to cause distrust to grow. Your significant other is not your parents. You don't have to lie about what you did the night before.

For one, your lie will always come out. I used to fib about my life to make it seem more extravagant than it was. Eventually, I would get caught in one of those lies because, being fake, I didn't always remember what I said. No relationship will ever last when there is lies keeping it together.

If you fall into on these elements, don't beat yourself up. We all have flaws and things we need to work on in life. The best thing you can do is notice the situation, take the fault, and promise to better yourself. When you do this, you have a better shot of keeping your relationship alive and healthy. Alternatively, you can continue to ruin all relationships and refuse to change. It is your choice.


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