How to Fake Confidence

Photo by Church of The King on Unsplash

Confidence is a great asset that is extremely difficult to maintain. Overall, I think I am a confident person. While I still have days where I feel ugly or less of myself I feel like I can happily say that I do believe I'm beautiful. This didn't come easy for me. It took years of faking it and slowly growing my self-esteem. I have talked about my journey with insecurity in a previous journal entry, but I wanted to discuss what to do in between that awkward stage in life.

This doesn't even have to be for people who have low self-esteem. I still have days where I have to pretend because I just wake up in a less than fantastic mood. I do want to point out that faking something is only a temporary band-aid for what is really going on. Don't take this as points to live by daily. There is something to be said, however, about faking it until you make it. I honestly believe that if you are in a down mood and force a smile, you will eventually perk back up. The same goes with confidence (on a smaller scale).

If you need a few pointers for those low days or just need to pretend for a little while until you find yourself, these are tips I used for years without anyone noticing. If there is one thing I can confidently say, it is that I am great at pretending to feel a certain way. I used to be so ashamed of myself that I would even hate letting people know how I felt. This was not healthy, and if you are in this phase of life, I plead for you to reach out to someone. Even if it is just me (which I will always be here to talk to), you don't have to go through your struggles alone.

Wear what makes you feel comfortable.
You should do this no matter what, but we sometimes don't think about this crucial point. Just because the style that is hot right now deals with low crop shirts and mini skirts does not mean you have to jump on the bandwagon. I spent years wearing things that were popular but made me feel ugly and big. This doesn't say you need to wear shirts three sizes too big for you, but to wear things that lay nicely on your body shape.

For me, I hold a lot of my weight in my stomach (as do most women). I also have always been a little insecure about my tall height. With this, I learned to buy jeans that were high waisted and shirts that fell a little past my stomach. When I was younger, I thought the more prominent the sweater, the less you could see. What I didn't realize was these outfits were actually making me look more significant than I actually was. Find out what body type you are (you can easily find charts and videos online) and then research what looks good on you.

At the end of the day, if you don't feel comfortable in your clothes, it will show. You don't need the latest fashion statement or pricey items, just outfits that make you feel great in your body.

Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

Dress for a job interview daily.
You know what I mean. When you have an interview, and you want to show the best of you for that great first impression. Sometimes when I feel low, I will force myself to take a little extra time on my makeup and hair (even if I'm not going anywhere). Treating yourself, in turn, boosts some self-esteem. We are all beautiful no matter what we do, but sometimes we need our outer shell to pick up our inner self. This might mean getting your hair done or covering up a little acne.

If you don't feel beautiful people can tell. As one of my favorite Youtuber's says, “Your vibe attracts your tribe.” If you are feeling miserable, you put off a negative vibe that is hard for people to come up and talk with you. Dress up in your favorite clothes, put on your makeup, and pretend like you are having the time of your life. You'd be amazed at how much this can actually help your mood. The more personality you show off (like you would in an interview) will create an atmosphere that people find inviting. The more people who compliment or talk with you, the better off you usually feel.

Walk with proper posture.
This doesn't really affect us, but it gives off a certain vibe. Have you ever seen someone strutting down the street and wished you had that type of confidence? You can! Believe it or not, some of those people are entirely pretending. When we don't love ourselves, we usually walk with a particular disdain for life. People pick up on this quickly when looking at you.

To walk with proper posture, make sure you keep your head up and shoulders back. Keep your stomach active (meaning push it towards your spine) and walk with a purpose. This immediately shows off a woman or man with fantastic self-esteem. Act as if everything is a runway and no one will notice that you are having an off day.

Your personality is key.
This doesn't mean acting like someone else. If it is not you, don't do it. That being said, we all have a bubbly personality hidden away. If you shy away people will stop caring and, in turn, gives you even more insecurities. I am an incredibly shy person when I first meet someone. One thing I have learned through this is how to mirror personalities for a short time. This means mimicking whoever I am talking to with the same enthusiasm and characteristics.

Sounds creepy, but we all do it subconsciously. Eventually, you can turn off your mirror mode and let your true self shine through. If you close yourself off, you also shut the door on meaningful interactions that could help improve the insecurities you're feeling.

Extra tip: smile more and tell jokes often. It might be a sad fact, but a lot of comedians actually suffer from depression. We never realize this because they hide it so well through their jokes. Being able to make fun of yourself (or just conversing with witty humor) can disguise any negativity hidden within.

Take a compliment.
“You look beautiful today,” a coworker states. “Oh no, I look fat and miserable,” you state with a mumbling tone. Not only is this disrespectful to the person giving you a compliment, but it also tears you down and puts off a low self-esteem vibe all at once. Learn how to say thank you even when you don't see the words they are saying. Nobody likes the person who always turns down a compliment.

By accepting these kind words, you are saying, in a subtle way, that you appreciate what they are saying and believe it. Seems simple enough, but this small move can change how people look at you.

Overall, building yourself up takes time and patience. Don't be too hard on yourself and realize that you are so much more than your insecurities. I don't condone faking it or pretending to be someone you are not, but I also understand the pain of going day after day feeling miserable. We sometimes need these tips to help us get through a day. Remember, this is merely a band-aid. For true confidence, you need to learn how to love yourself (something that I can tell you to do, but it is a more difficult process than just saying it).


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