Why You Need Trust In The Bedroom

Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

The other day I had a moment of reflection on my past relationships. I started thinking about all the good and bad that came from each person I dated and how that has changed me. When comparing all of these past loves to my current situation, I noticed that one thing was missing from the other partners; trust. To be more specific, trust in the bedroom.

While everything was, for the most part, consensual, not all of it was pleasing for me. It wasn't necessarily there fault either. I never voiced my opinion when we were doing things that were uncomfortable. I would merely endure for the sake of not wanting to make them angry or seem like I didn't know what I was doing.

When I started dating my current boyfriend, I noticed he was different. He encouraged me to talk about my likes and dislikes. He would always ask what I wanted and what he could do to please me. For years I said nothing because it was such a foreign concept. Someone cared about my happiness as much as there own? It seemed too good to be true.

The sad thing is that this is normal in many relationships these days. We don't realize how bad it is because we have never seen anything better. We do things we might not want to make our partners happy. There isn't an equal level of trust in the bedroom. Why is faith so crucial during something so passionate?

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

It brings you closer to your partner.
Even if your relationship is in the beginning stages, there should always be a certain level of trust. This means that both parties are aware of what the other likes and doesn't care for in the bedroom. There should be some form of communication and understanding of that bond to grow. Without it, why are you even being intimate with them in the first place?

For me, that answer was the same as many. I was scared of being alone. I loved being with someone so much (and was afraid of never finding anyone else), that I endured things that now seem ridiculous. By opening up in my current relationship, I have seen our intimacy to grow each day. That 'dry spell' that people always warn you about after years of together only existing when you stop talking.

I've noticed that the more we talk and open up, the closer we become. Now I can honestly say my sex life has blossomed more than it ever has.

It creates a consensual atmosphere.
No one likes a partner who pulls that specific protection off right at the end. We all know what I'm talking about too. Alternatively, have you been with someone who doesn't like the feel of condoms? By having trust, you are saying that you respect the other person opinions and never try to compromise them for your happiness. There is always a common ground that can be found.

There are specific things I don't like doing. I hate them. I used to never speak about them and, instead, let my partner do things that were either painful or uncomfortable. Now, I lay everything out on the table. I've realized that loving myself means standing up for my feelings. If they cannot respect your wishes, they are not worth keeping around. Consent isn't just both parties saying yes to something. It is creating an atmosphere of love, compassion, and happiness (for both parties).

It can be fun. 
Again, you don't have to be in a full-term relationship for trust. Believe it or not, trusting your partner in the bedroom can make things more entertaining. When you both are aware of boundaries and fantasies, it can be ecstatic. Trust breeds passion. You are in an extremely vulnerable position with your significant other. There are so many things that could go wrong that you need to lay down the ground rules.

You might think that sounds like the opposite of fun, but I can assure you it is not. The bedroom should never be a place for judgment. I trust my boyfriend to respect my wishes as he, in turn, believes me not to kill him in the dead of night. Jokes aside, it makes a world of difference.

You'll feel more comfortable and confident.
I used to be so scared to share my feelings with my boyfriend. If something weren't a turn on, I would stay quiet. It would infuriate him that I wouldn't speak my mind. I remember the first time I voiced my opinion. My face went red, and I talked so fast I was amazed he comprehended each word. However, the unexpected happens. He smiled, didn't take offense, and appreciated my input.

The fact is, your partner should want you to be happy. After that, it became easier to talk about sex in a casual conversation. The more we talked about it, the less scary it became. Fear of discussing foreplay can make the actual act feel dirty and wrong. By opening up, you'd be amazed how comfortable you'll feel in the bedroom. It can also help boost your confidence.

Knowing there is trust and open communication between the two of us, I can feel confident and beautiful in ways I never knew existed. It's refreshing not having to always wonder about how my body looks when I'm with someone who nurtures my feelings.

Simply put, trust is needed in a relationship (in and out of the bedroom). You need to know that your partner will respect your body and your opinion. When you take that away from someone, you are putting them in a situation they should never be in. While your happiness is wanted at that moment, your partner's should be just as high on the priority list. If you are too selfish to give that, then you should take an in-depth look at yourself.

What are some ways you and your partner show trust and respect in your relationship? Do you regularly talk about these things or keep feelings behind closed doors? I encourage you to talk about it in the comments below. As a community (which I adore), we can help each other out.

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